9. Endo vs. Vacay Pt.II

It is already the last day of my vacation here in Bali and we couldn’t be more sad. What an amazing island this is. The people are friendly, the food is great and the vibe is just magical. We’ll be back for sure!

It is hard to face the truth, but I have to be honest with myself

This holiday was much needed, because I was in much pain before we left. In my previous blog post I wrote that I was in control of the pain and that it only popped up now and then. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case for the last 1,5 week. I completely lost control of the pain again, but it made me realise one thing; I will never be in control of the pain. It is hard to face the truth, but I have to be honest with myself. I want to be in control and sometimes I really feel like I’m in control, but I’m actually not. The endo takes over whenever it wants and there’s nothing I can do about it. Ok, of course I can take my medicine, take a long hot shower, sleep some more, but that’s only temporary. It will come back again and also at moments that I wouldn’t expect it, because that is endometriosis.

I can make plans all I want, but sometimes I just need to cancel them

Although I really enjoyed this holiday so much and saw some amazing things, I still had to pass on a few activities. That part frustrates me so much. I can make plans all I want, but sometimes I just need to cancel them because of the pain itself or the fatigue that always comes with it. Again, I am not in control.

Since the pain is getting worse and comes more often, I made an appointment in a medical centre that is specialised in endometriosis. They have a whole team of several type of doctors, such as gynaecologists, radiologists, surgeons, physical therapists, dietitian, psycho therapists and nurses. It comforts me that they’re all specialised in endometriosis, so I know I will be in good hands, but still I’m frightened. Not because I’m worried that they will provide me with the wrong information, but because I’m scared of the amount of endo present in my body…

This man was horrific

The last time I had a proper check up with an MRI scan was at least 1,5 year ago.. December 2017. After that I asked to have another MRI scan, in February, but my gynaecologist left and so I was tied to another one. This man was horrific! He made me feel like I was exaggerating and the echo… Wow. He was so hard-handed and rude that he actually hurt me a lot. He was the worst gynaecologist that I have ever met. And believe me, I’ve seen a few. In the end he said that he couldn’t see the endometriosis in my uterus, so there was no reason to do an MRI scan. Well, duh! Of course he couldn’t find it in my uterus, because it’s on the outside of my uterus. It’s on my bladder, which I told him obviously.

Ok, so this guy was a complete idiot and the reason why I decided to (finally) go to a specialised medical clinic. Regular gynaecologists just don’t have enough knowledge of endometriosis. Period. The thing actually is, that it got worse and worse and now I’m stressing out about what they’re going to find. Since it took a few extra months in which it can easily grow further. If you guys have any tips to calm me down or I don’t know, just a little pep talk? Holla at your girl, because I can really use it.

Absolutely adorable!

I also wanted to tell you how I spent my last day here in Bali. When we woke up, my boyfriend created a super romantic breakfast with French croissants, macarons and cute little pastries. Absolutely adorable! I started to write this blog post, to tell you how I’ve been. After half an hour the pain started to come and I wasn’t able to sit up straight anymore, so he brought me to bed. I cried and asked him how I’m supposed to deal with this sh*t the rest of my life? He is my rock and always tells me to stay strong and positive. That we won’t stop searching until we find a solution for my pain and that he will always take care of me when I need it. Those words always calm me down. After the emotional breakdown session I took my medication and fell asleep. Woke up 5 hours later, very lost in my own thoughts and a bit weirded out because of the medication. After dinner we decided to go for a fresh coconut with some friends and watch our last Balinese sunset together. Tonight we’re having our last drinks (no alcohol for me though) to cheers on a wonderful vacay. Oh, and of course the many more to come!

Normally I put a nice quote or pic on the bottom of my blog post, but today I wanted to show you all the happiness which was our main feeling during this holiday. And I want to show off my cute boyfriend of course!

Love, Andrea