14. Endo-work balance

Endo makes life really tough sometimes. Especially as a young lady who just started her professional career. Having endometriosis is already a challenge, but to keep on going while in extreme pain is more than a challenge. Trying not to let it control and influence your whole life, cause that’s what it feels like to me.

Work is the only place where I am constantly distracted from my own mind. I think a lot and there’s always a lot going on in my life, but when I’m at work everything just fades for a bit. I love my job. I have the best colleagues a person could ever wish for, the most understanding boss and I have a passion for what I do. Everyone is aware of my situation.

I was completely transparent 

During the first interview I had with my boss, I was completely transparent about having a chronic illness. Luckily my boss is a she, which makes it a bit easier to describe and for her to understand. I told her that everything is fine, but that it can happen that I won’t be able to do my job on some days because of the pain. I obviously felt so relieved when this was her reaction, but still didn’t tell her the first 3 times I was in pain. I think because I felt like I had to prove myself to her. 

I’ve been working at MAYFORCE for over a year now and there were days that I wasn’t able to work at all. I hate those days and I always try to still do something. I guess I am a little dishonest at work about my condition sometimes because I just want to do things right. Show them that I really love my job. Which means I downplay it sometimes. I tell everyone that it’s just annoying, that I’ll be fine within a day and that it’s nothing to worry about.. While I am actually crying my eyeballs out, throwing up because the pain is too heavy and can’t even walk anymore since it radiates to my upper leg. 

I don’t want to be influenced or controlled by a disease

Stupid isn’t it? Because I make things much more complicated for myself by not telling the complete truth. My sign is a leo, so I am mighty proud, but that’s making it even harder. I am too proud to admit that I am not able to do something by myself. I like to be independent, doing my work and just do whatever I want to do. I don’t want to be influenced or controlled by a disease. It really feels like it’s just telling me what I can and can’t do and I hate that. I decide on that. 

Yeah, yeah, whatever tough bitch. That’s what I am thinking to myself, because this reasoning is so stupid. I don’t need to stay strong all the time, pretend everything’s fine. No, I actually need to listen to my body, give it the rest it needs because it’s in full fight mode. Always. On the contrary, I just don’t want my boss or my colleagues to think that I’m lacking in my work. It’s hard.

So, note to self: be honest and take care of YOU!

Love,
Andrea