10. Hope, hope, nope…
Oops! It’s been over 2 months now since my last post. I feel pretty guilty, so my sincerest apologies to all of you. My life got turned upside down since I came back from Bali and I had to arrange a million trillion things for my next super duper exciting chapter.
But first things first, endometriosis. When I was in Bali I was in much pain, but the thought of knowing that I had an appointment at an endo specialised medical centre eased my mind. I had faith in this, because I knew they would understand me and could probably help me the right way. After 3 months of being waitlisted, the time had finally come; my appointment.
My boyfriend came with me, because he also had some questions about endometriosis and my situation, but most of all for support. At this endo centre they have the best echo equipment so they can also see the present endometriosis very clearly. It was obvious that the endo had spread. There were a few tiny spots here and there, but it was the most present on my bladder and also somewhere on the back of my uterus.
They told my endo wasn’t bad enough
At the end of the appointment they came up with a few possible temporary solutions to reduce my symptoms. The endometriosis diet and I had to start with birth control pills again, even though I already have an IUD (intrauterine device) with hormones… And as the cherry on top, they freakin’ told me that they couldn’t help me because my endo wasn’t bad enough. My endo isn’t bad enough?! Is that really a valid reason? Why? Do I have to be nearly dying in order to get the right help? I already do feel like dying sometimes.
So, as you probably can imagine, I was completely freaked out. Had several mental breakdowns on our way to the car. Thom was speechless at first when they told us and he felt so bad for me, but when I started crying hopelessly, he hugged me tight and told me that we won’t stop searching for the right help. That we will fight this fight together. He’s a true rock, but I couldn’t stop sobbing and asking how I am suppose to deal with this sh*t for the rest of my life… I went from 100% faithful to zero hope in real quick. We were back at square one.
I don’t want this sickness to take over my whole life
You might think “why would you give up that fast if they gave you options?” Well, I’ll tell you. I don’t want birth control pills because they make me feel miserable, moody and just a horrible person. As for the endometriosis diet, I’ve already tried it before and I didn’t experience that much of a difference but I do have to leave so many things. No lactose, no gluten, no sugar, no alcohol, no nothing. I am in my twenties. I don’t want this sickness to take over my whole life already. I want to drink wine, go out for dinner or at least not have to think about it every single time I put something in my mouth. That’s what it does, but I am too stubborn to admit to it yet.
In the end, I started taking the birth control pills again. The ones they gave me contain a less higher dosis of hormones, which would have a positive reaction on my body instead of the birth control I was used to before. I am now in my third month so I should notice any difference. Do I? Not so sure. Yes, I am in less pain than before, but I am also less stressed at this moment. That’s why I am not sure if they really do their job, but at least I am in a little less pain, so that’s a positive thing!
After a few weeks they called me back and told be that they had revised my MRI scan and the echo material. The conclusion was that I have to give a heads up after my third month of birth control pills in order to check if it’s working or not. If not, they told me I have to undergo surgery again. I am not getting ahead of myself, so I’ll just keep focusing on the good and stay positive. We’ll see where we will end.
Nothing will stop me. Not even f*cking endometriosis!
Now I want to share some exciting things and the reason why I was absent on my blog the past months. Ok, hold on; I am currently in Phoenix, Arizona (US)! Whoooh! I am so excited about this chapter. It’s the last part of my double degree course International Communication and the part where I have to write my thesis. The reason why I’m in Phoenix is because the research that I’ll be doing is about the cultural adaptation process of Dutch in the US and how that affects their perspective towards culturally sensitive advertisements. A lot of words, but this is why I wasn’t able to write a new blog. I had to arrange so many things, write my thesis proposal and also so many things went wrong, but here I am. Finally.
I’ve always wanted to go to the States. It sounds a bit weird and I’ve probably watched too many movies, but I want my own movie. You have to create your own happiness and chase your dreams in order to have your own movie at the end of your beautiful life. When I’m old and grey I want to look at my life full of joy and no regrets. I am fulfilling my dream and creating my own movie and nothing will stop me. Not even f*cking endometriosis.
Love, Andrea
