4. My biggest nightmare

Beside of all the anger that was revealing and the 100 different feelings I was experiencing every day, there is still one thing that keeps me up at night.

Ever since I was a little girl I was playing house with my friends and my dolls. Sometimes my little brother had to act like my baby. I would put him in my stroller, feed him, sing to him and put him to bed.

As I got older I always pictured this image in my head of me having 2 or 3 kids when I’m grown, having a good job, but being a mom would always be my priority. That’s probably because my own mom was a stay-at-home mom, so she was always there for us and it was a very nice feeling knowing that. It made our home feel warm and me and my brothers feel safe.

Well, you probably can see it coming now… One of the most horrible aspects of endometriosis is that I have an impaired fertility and therefore less chance to get pregnant. I know, I shouldn’t anticipate too much and everything will be fine, but I am so scared that one day I will find out that I can’t have kids…

Not able to have kids is my biggest nightmare of all times

Let that thought go! That’s exactly what my boyfriend always tells me, and my mom, and my friends, and everyone… I might be a bit of a drama queen, but we’re talking about having kids. It’s kind of a big deal, to me.

My gynaecologists set me at rest when he told me that the endometriosis is under control, that everything looks perfectly fine and as for now I will definitely be able to have kids! Butttt, there’s the big but, I do need to hurry. My body has already a smaller chance, so I have to be “fast”. It’s best to have a young body that is still strong enough and also will recover fast enough. So, hurry, hurry, hurry…!